The Lost Art of Lamenting: Job & Sex and the City

Lament, by David Sweeney, 2006

Recently, while looking for some non-academic bedtime reading that wouldn’t keep me up all night, I dug out my Bible.  I decided to begin reading from wherever I opened. This happened to be in the middle of the Book of Job (which happens to be about a man named Job).  I skimmed a bit, then went to the beginning of the book and read until I came to Job’s Lament. Other thoughts in my head aside (God allowed Satan to ‘incite’ him?), the lament caught my attention.

The title of this post includes “Sex and the City” so you may be wondering when I’ll get to that part — stick with me! To set the scene, let me summarize the story:  Job is an ethical, morally upright man who is very wealthy. He has seven sons and three daughters. His sons like to throw parties and invite their sisters and friends. Job has raised his kids well, but he still sacrifices some animals every time a son throws a party just in case anything shady happened. One day, the angels and Satan assemble before God. A somewhat bizarre conversation ensues between God and Satan wherein God gives Satan permission to destroy Job’s family and wealth.  This, in order to prove that Job is so holy that he will not curse his God.

Please Do Not Dangle that Book in Front of Me!

You may be expecting me to bash a book right about….now.  But what I really mean by the subject line of this post is that if you are aware that I love to read, and read so much it sometimes interferes with other things, then please do not tempt me* with the latest-greatest book you’ve read.

5 Recipes for Burning Down Your Kitchen

I have not always known how to cook and now that I do, I still have the occasional mishap (recently, I discovered that you can burn broccoli when you’re trying to steam it!).  While earning my “kitchen cred”, I accumulated some memorable experiences which my siblings now use to mock me.  Not one to sulk, I’ve decided to use those disasters adventures to create some recipes you may want to read and file away in your “never-to-use” folder.  Consider these recipes as inspiration for what not to do in the kitchen:

1.  Fire au Roman (Smoldering Fire, fueled by novel and water)

Ingredients: Oil, pot, stove, novel

Put oil in a pot.  Set pot on a hot stove.  Go upstairs and settle back onto your bed with that book you’re reading.  Forget about the oil.  Hear smoke alarm.  Run downstairs.  Throw water on the fire.  Watch the flames magnify as the stove cover warps.  Freak out as the kitchen ceiling blackens.  Wait for big sister to rescue you.

Tortubilitation*

For no apparent reason, I have been giving thought to what would be used to tortubilitate** me.  It’s been years since I read (or re-read) George Orwell’s 1984, but I cannot forget how Winston Smith was tortubilitated with rats.  I hate rodents.  Hate.  I hate spiders.  Loathe.  Retch. Paralyzed.  But there is a teeny little rational part of me that could probably say “meh” if push came to shove.

Under duress, my mind can perform splendidly.  Those spiders become a soothing massage and the rodents merely tiny dogs with very thin tails.  Now snakes, those are critters I can’t abide.  But they don’t harm us unless provoked, right?  If I sat still, they’d just lie on me.  And bask in my warm pee.

These common phobias are not my greatest fear.  My greatest fear is not apparent.  It makes me grateful, terribly grateful for every day I have and every night I sleep soundly.  No, it is not death.  I will not write of it because after all, Big Brother is watching.

*Since neologisms are the rage these days, I figured I’d try my hand at some.  Tortubilitation is a noun and means “the state of being tortured into rehabilitation,” where “rehabilitation” means “conformation” and “conformation” means um, obedience?
** Verb, see tortubilitation

A Very Brief Book Review: The Dowry Bride

I stumbled on the following book in Barnes and Noble last year while traveling (I always find a bookstore!) and bought it.

The Dowry Bride was a quick and easy read.  Most of what I read in the book about dowries and how marriages are arranged in India was not new to me and I think Shobhan Bantwal did a great job showing various aspects of Indian culture without it feeling like a lecture.

In the book we follow Megha, the protagonist, as she escapes from an unhappy marriage and a planned execution.  She finds shelter in the home of a relative who happens to have feelings for her and the book focuses on the relationship between them as well as Megha’s desire to change her life.

My only complaint was that Megha seemed so stuck in her victim mindset (understandable to a certain extent) that it began to get tedious.  Her knight-in-shining-armor was bit too perfect.  If being stuck is a monotonous and unsatisfactory place to be, then Ms. Bantwal certainly conveyed that.

With summer knocking, I would recommend this as beach read even though there are some serious topics covered.